…unfortunately, it also brings with it the ability to misuse the English language.
This exchange took place between my friends on a comment I posted on Facebook about the cake I made for Ben.
Corrie on Ben’s Wall: I find myself hoping that you may post a status about cake.
Ben: I am thinking of an appropriate pun! But it was awesome!
John: That’s pretty half-baked Ben…would’ve thought you at least would rise to the challenge.
Ben: Layer off john! I saw this post very chocoLATE and fell asleep while thinking…. sorry to dessert facebook before coming up with something though.
Not really the flour of my creative punning if I’m honest.
Corrie: Oh God. Overload.
Ben: John asked for it by ‘eccling me.
John: Sorry…I just wanted a slice of the action. Anyway…”flour of my creative punning”…that’s pretty crumby if you ask me.
Ben: I hope you aren’t trying to beat me at this game john, it is definitely a bit whisky.
or maybe you’re trying to egg me on
eggs are nothing to yolk about. I’m sorry.
John: Oh gateauver it, your puns are crêpe. I d’éclair a duel.
Ben: I look forward to croissant swords with you!
Corrie: I can’t cope with this.
Ben: Stay with it Corrie, John needs to be torte a lesson.
John: Leave her out of this, she’s got muffin to do with it. It’s the yeast you can do.
Ben: Butter cake started it! Yeast isn’t used in cakes anyway, maybe in more cultured cooking.
Corrie: Like the bread that John is going to bake for us?
And, FINE, that’s the last time I make a cake for YOU, Ben!
Ben: :( I’m sorry, I was on a roll.
John: No knead to get so upset Corrie, just roll with it. OK I’ll get started…saves me just loafing around all day.
Ben: I call deviation! The currant topic is about cakes not bread! I dough’nt like it.
John: You don’t have to make a meal of it just cos something’s gone slightly a-rye…
Ben: ??? stop raisin complaints. I think our bread puns are causing Corrie pain (in a french way). hmm, I reckon it is bad puns baguetting bad puns.
John: Hmm…fairie nuff. I doughnut want to cause her even a petit pain. I just thought it was getting a bit stale.
Ben: I toast your latest effort, you really spread yourself there. I get the feeling you now have the urge to make cereal puns ingrained into you as well!
Nikita: This just had me and Hannah in stiches of laughter. Oh, the pain.
Hannah: I’d say it was less laughter and more groans of despair.
Ben: wheat a minute, that joke has already happened nikita! Although I suspect you were just chaffing us.
Nikita: Actually that was unintentional, Mr Phippsulator
Ben: crumbs. I thought you were trying to join in.
John: Ben, that’s a trifle unfair, no need to be so tart with her. She can’t help it if whatever she waffles about doesn’t match up to our wondrously humorous ba(n)tter.
Ben: Mallow out john! I wasn’t being tart. Normally, Icing her praises. In this case though, the joke had already been aired. It paves the wafer more though.
Toby: Djam! How did I nut see this before??? I’m a big flan of making puns. I really should stop pudding work before facebooking. Someone should have meringue (….) me to tell me. I’m thinking of sueting all of you.
John: You need to lighten up Toby, don’t bake me come over there. Anyway, it’s all Coz Berry Fool’t (…) innit.
Toby: My head is choc full with sweet ideas, about to be put down in the comMINTs box. You’re all in truffle.
(Actually, make that ‘Nou gar’ instead ‘you’re (you are)’)
John: Desserting from the baking puns eh? I suppose it is vittle to the profiterolation of the thread…
Toby: You should put me in custardy.
Ben: I think this patisSeries of puns mars everyone involved
Corrie: Ben, you know the treat thing I made such a fuss about? This eclipses (eclairpses?) it.
(treat=tree, in case you didn’t get that)
Ben: I have no idea what sugar referring to
Corrie: Walking to HP last week.
Ben: ah. Now I get you. I think we should leaf that well alone
Toby: Leaf? I’m not sure how that’s dessert-related… Appley more branpower to this, Ben. Currantly it is going off-topicnic.
Ben: I refuse to rolo-ver toby! I was answering corrie. Fudging words toffee this madness is nuts. So many puns nestleing in this thread.
Toby: There are orange of directions this conversation could bread off in now. Desserts, chocolates, bread and hundreds and thousands of others. Afterwards, we’ll definitely regret where it scone though.
Hannah: I think this kneads to stop, I’m breading where it will go next.
We’re all glutens for PUNishment.
(wow, that was perfect)
Ben: thats running against the grain for you toby.
Sam: I would join in but I barley know any puns Some of yours are berry good!
Corrie: Sam, you’ll notice how jelly quiet I’ve been.
Ben: I refuse to rice to this any more
Toby: Under mousse circumstances, ice cream with pleasure when I get given the opportunity to pun. This could go on until at least leaven o’clock. Unless we all go crackers by then.
Go on, Ben! Come up with a snappy retorte!
Ben: Its getting to the stage where I have to sponge off the creativity of others. But Jammily, I have the JMC here to help me! They want me to head to the pub for a spot of Bourbon though.
could be a bit whisky
Toby: I’d biscuit if I were you. Does that mean victori(a sponge) might be mine in this who-can-pun-last marmalarkey (…)? Snickering puns from other mathematicians is cheating, they all know far too much about pi.
Hannah: I don’t know Hovis conversation has lasted so long, but I oat to be doing my LaBrea-tory work instead of following it really.
Toby: Whoa! But tons (Warburtons) of puns are still being made! Yog hurt people’s feelings if you doughn’t follow this whole thing. Ungrapeful.
Chorley this can’t be the end?
Hannah: But if I don’t do it, my SOUPerviser, ROLLand Smith, might get dis-herbed.
John: All I do is take some Time Out and I see you’ve made the Topic of puns Drifter way completely. Better stop Lion around, you Dweebs seem to be Reese-ing the Bar and giving this conversation a real Boost. Well it’s Crunch time, Yorkie problem’s gonna be me from now on, I don’t give a Daim what you think, I Cadbury you all right now cos I’m a Bournville-ain.
Toby: Leave him to stew. There probably isn’t mushroom in the lab anyway. You might as well just see him tomato (tomorrow).
Corrie: I’m actually going to cry.
Hannah: I have RI meating minutes to compleat too.
Toby: Yeah, we’ve had a bit of a Breakaway. There is a whole Bounty-ous Galaxy of puns to be made on this subject, although some of them are slightly Flakey. Let’s take this to the Caramax, I’m Revelling in it.
Hannah: Oh, and I have a leakture at 3.
I mean a leekture.
Toby: I just went for a leakture.
Hannah: But leaks aren’t relevent to this corn-versation as they aren’t a type of soup.
Toby: Or should I say a pea?
Hannah: That would be a souperior way of putting it.
Toby: We need to get back to a more wholesome topic. I’m not sure there’s muffin (much in?) this one, it’s a bit croissant (crass and) disgusting.
Hannah: Oh, yes, peas.
Toby: We’ve pretty much milked the bakery stuff dry. Anything else would be the icing on the cake.
Nick: Looks like I’m gonna have to get a pizza the action…
Sorry, wasn’t very good but I’m distracted by listening to Dr Pepper’s Love Heart band…
Toby: We might be the pepperonly ones left doing it though. Everyone else got scared off by the cheesy jokes. Never mind, it doesn’t omato, we can pun happily (pineapply? erm….)
Nick: Sorry to layer it on thick but I’m relishing the opportunity to mustard the strength to ketchup to you all… Condiment game tie-in – boom!
Nick: There’s bean so many gouda puns there’s very little margarine for error here, but I’m fairly confit(!)dent of throwing my hat into the iced ring
Toby: There are stiltons of cheese puns waiting to brie made. Your condiment ones are full of holes, I camembert them. But don’t cheddar tear, it’s OK. I’m sure you’ll be gouda t this eventually. You just need to do it Caerphilly.
Corrie: Toby, everyone needs to just Take a Break. Doughnut worry.
Toby: (camembert – can’t bear. Hmm.)
Nick: They’re not holy, but the Swiss is and they’re good negotiators… We can revell in their opinions
Toby: Some of these cheese puns are grate, some of them stink. We’ve ricotta come up with more though! I could literally do this until the Laughing Cows come home. I think I might be going slightly emmental…
Ben: There is still an Abondance of cheese puns left…We should let corrie take a break though, Leicester sense of humour is turned permanently cheesy.
John: Indeed Toby dhaling, chowder you say such cress things? Please soup-ress your fowl info about your latest celery-bratory gazpacho (gas patch?), it makes miso sick. It’s like onion (an eon?) ago when you were all like “ma-leg-go’-tore-knee” (mulligatawny…?), and goulash-ed out whenever your blood got pumpkin just bisque-cause you had some beef with us or an oxtail grind. Lentil afterwards when you’d ginger-ly take stock, use your noodle and realise that your not really broth-ered. As the local church minestrone-arby chapel might declare, “lettuce say ramen to that”.
Toby: OK, no-one’s going to beat that. Ever.
Thanks fêta très bon mots…are ela-borate (mozzarella?) puns da-niche (danish?) or are they a bit bour(s)in? Its nacho fault I’m on fine formaggio. Maybe you’re thinking “Hey, ‘edam goat…in fact leerdammer sight better than me.” It’s OK…at least you didn’t pass-n-day-all (passendale…?) just making stinking puns, trying to mould them around some story in order to add a bit of gloucester them. I raclette ever making the decision cheshire those initial puns with you. Oh well, when’s-le-day-all over, bu’-for-low points when they got so bad I felt quite quesa(dilla got over it anyway) and maybe even sprouted some grey-’airs, it hasn’t been all that blue. Gouda been worse.